C'mon ... Can I Catch A Break Here? And Silver Linings
So I have mentioned odds and statistics already here multiple times. And that so far, the odds haven't worked out in my favor. In a previous blog I mentioned sub-types of IBC and that my pathology reports were not complete yet. Well, they are now and even though triple negative (ER- PR- HER2-) breast cancer accounts for less than 20% of all breast cancers ... it's what I've got. Triple negative is a particularly aggressive and tough cancer ... and my survival odds are less now than they were before.
Needless to say, this was a big blow and I wish I had better news. It means other than surgery and radiation treatment which was already a certainty, I would also have to do hard core chemotherapy. In case that isn't clear, yes, this is the type that makes you so sick and nauseous you can't get out of bed for days and the type that causes all your hair to fall out. Basically, it is putting enough poison in your veins that you don't die but the cancer does. It pushes your body to the brink of all it can take. Many people who go through chemo wish they could die. Others decide to die gracefully and on their own terms by not going through round after brutal round of chemo. But it's not the same for everyone and some people go through it easier than others. I'm choosing to stay positive and believe I will be one of those.
They say my hair will grow back and that I will, some months after chemo, once I am in remission, get strong and healthy again. This triple negative cancer may be a bad one, but I'm still a stage 1. We caught it early and my tumor is still less than 2 centimeters in size. So I am not defeated; but hopeful.
Is there a silver lining? Of course, there always is ...
I think there are at least two. I will now most likely qualify for the genome testing research (medical research is really trying to find out how to treat triple negative more effectively and with my family history, it's an even more interesting case). We can find out if I do have that genetic mutation running in the family and help my daughter way in advance.
In addition, I will most certainly lose enough weight to get down to or at least close to my target weight and access that "smaller me" wardrobe. While it is not the way I would have chosen to lose 50 pounds or so, whatever works ...
My dad asked me this morning if there was any good news today. I responded with the silver lining part. It's all I've got today to keep my spirits up.
But another big piece of the puzzle is still out there. And this part may have more to do with the suggested treatment than the triple negative diagnosis. So I would like to ask everyone to pray for my lymph nodes to be cancer-free. We will have those biopsied with the surgery. They say you could live indefinitely with cancer just in your breast if it does not spread. It does not interfere with any life support functions. It's the metastasizing to hit other parts of your body that ends up killing you. And it has to go through the lymph system first (body's first line of defense) before it can spread. So if it's not in any of my lymph nodes, there is no reason I will not be able to beat it ... no matter how intense the treatment to get rid of it might be.
The early indications are that is is not in the lymph nodes. They are not enlarged in the X-rays and that is a good sign. But only a biopsy can tell. I have been on the wrong side of good odds so many times already. It's time for a change of fortune.
Needless to say, this was a big blow and I wish I had better news. It means other than surgery and radiation treatment which was already a certainty, I would also have to do hard core chemotherapy. In case that isn't clear, yes, this is the type that makes you so sick and nauseous you can't get out of bed for days and the type that causes all your hair to fall out. Basically, it is putting enough poison in your veins that you don't die but the cancer does. It pushes your body to the brink of all it can take. Many people who go through chemo wish they could die. Others decide to die gracefully and on their own terms by not going through round after brutal round of chemo. But it's not the same for everyone and some people go through it easier than others. I'm choosing to stay positive and believe I will be one of those.
They say my hair will grow back and that I will, some months after chemo, once I am in remission, get strong and healthy again. This triple negative cancer may be a bad one, but I'm still a stage 1. We caught it early and my tumor is still less than 2 centimeters in size. So I am not defeated; but hopeful.
Is there a silver lining? Of course, there always is ...
I think there are at least two. I will now most likely qualify for the genome testing research (medical research is really trying to find out how to treat triple negative more effectively and with my family history, it's an even more interesting case). We can find out if I do have that genetic mutation running in the family and help my daughter way in advance.
In addition, I will most certainly lose enough weight to get down to or at least close to my target weight and access that "smaller me" wardrobe. While it is not the way I would have chosen to lose 50 pounds or so, whatever works ...
My dad asked me this morning if there was any good news today. I responded with the silver lining part. It's all I've got today to keep my spirits up.
But another big piece of the puzzle is still out there. And this part may have more to do with the suggested treatment than the triple negative diagnosis. So I would like to ask everyone to pray for my lymph nodes to be cancer-free. We will have those biopsied with the surgery. They say you could live indefinitely with cancer just in your breast if it does not spread. It does not interfere with any life support functions. It's the metastasizing to hit other parts of your body that ends up killing you. And it has to go through the lymph system first (body's first line of defense) before it can spread. So if it's not in any of my lymph nodes, there is no reason I will not be able to beat it ... no matter how intense the treatment to get rid of it might be.
The early indications are that is is not in the lymph nodes. They are not enlarged in the X-rays and that is a good sign. But only a biopsy can tell. I have been on the wrong side of good odds so many times already. It's time for a change of fortune.
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