Cancer During the Holidays & Beyond
Cancer is a sneaky, greedy thief. It wants to take your health, your money, your happiness ... even your life. Fuck Cancer!
Your job as a survivor is to not let it.
I have been off work for more than two weeks. While I can say that I have appreciated this extra time off, especially during the holidays, I can also say that I am a person who prides herself on a busy schedule and getting things done and I am beginning to feel a bit useless. I know that's not true; it's just easy to fall into a rut and let those thoughts take over. I have one more full week off and will return to my first event gig on January 3 for set-up. The show itself runs the 4th through the 8th. I wonder if I can handle it like I could before.
I am still in pain. Sometimes it is a dull ache and other times when I move a certain way, it is a sharp shooting pain deep inside that is like a knife. I am on my second prescription of pain meds (albeit, a weak Rx). Lol. I can't look with scrutiny at my scars. I still feel I look like a carved-up Thanksgiving turkey. I have glanced though and the scars are not as massive as I would have thought. I thought I could handle a golf ball-sized chunk without much disfigurement ... I was right about that. You can't tell anything is different with my clothes on. But I know.
I have done exercises and my right arm seems to have the full range of motion it had before. There is no tingling, no numbness, no pins and needles and I can still feel everything. I don't think I have the strength back I had pre-surgery but I am trying to get stronger. The doctor said there was most likely some chest wall muscle bruising because the surgery was very close to that area.
I have had some good days and some bad. Some of the worst times were at night. But I've had way more good than bad. For that, I am thankful. I just want my life back. I will fight to make that happen. Even when I feel weak or down or overwhelmed, I will fight back.
Now the new year is just around the corner. I must approach it with all I can and make the best out of it. I've got more of a battle ahead; not sure exactly what that looks like just yet. But I've got a lot to look forward to including a trip to Europe in July with my daughter. So I don't have any choice: this is a battle I must win.
Your job as a survivor is to not let it.
I have been off work for more than two weeks. While I can say that I have appreciated this extra time off, especially during the holidays, I can also say that I am a person who prides herself on a busy schedule and getting things done and I am beginning to feel a bit useless. I know that's not true; it's just easy to fall into a rut and let those thoughts take over. I have one more full week off and will return to my first event gig on January 3 for set-up. The show itself runs the 4th through the 8th. I wonder if I can handle it like I could before.
I am still in pain. Sometimes it is a dull ache and other times when I move a certain way, it is a sharp shooting pain deep inside that is like a knife. I am on my second prescription of pain meds (albeit, a weak Rx). Lol. I can't look with scrutiny at my scars. I still feel I look like a carved-up Thanksgiving turkey. I have glanced though and the scars are not as massive as I would have thought. I thought I could handle a golf ball-sized chunk without much disfigurement ... I was right about that. You can't tell anything is different with my clothes on. But I know.
I have done exercises and my right arm seems to have the full range of motion it had before. There is no tingling, no numbness, no pins and needles and I can still feel everything. I don't think I have the strength back I had pre-surgery but I am trying to get stronger. The doctor said there was most likely some chest wall muscle bruising because the surgery was very close to that area.
I have had some good days and some bad. Some of the worst times were at night. But I've had way more good than bad. For that, I am thankful. I just want my life back. I will fight to make that happen. Even when I feel weak or down or overwhelmed, I will fight back.
Now the new year is just around the corner. I must approach it with all I can and make the best out of it. I've got more of a battle ahead; not sure exactly what that looks like just yet. But I've got a lot to look forward to including a trip to Europe in July with my daughter. So I don't have any choice: this is a battle I must win.
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