Kicking Cancer's A** -- My Road to Recovery

Cancer is a sneaky, greedy thief. It wants to take your health, your money, your happiness ... even your life. Fuck Cancer! Your job as a survivor is to not let it. I have been off work for more than two weeks. While I can say that I have appreciated this extra time off, especially during the holidays, I can also say that I am a person who prides herself on a busy schedule and getting things done and I am beginning to feel a bit useless. I know that's not true; it's just easy to fall into a rut and let those thoughts take over. I have one more full week off and will return to my first event gig on January 3 for set-up. The show itself runs the 4th through the 8th. I wonder if I can handle it like I could before. I am still in pain. Sometimes it is a dull ache and other times when I move a certain way, it is a sharp shooting pain deep inside that is like a knife. I am on my second prescription of pain meds (albeit, a weak Rx). Lol. I can't look with scrutiny at my scar...

Well it's almost Christmas .... I've been hoping to share a bit of good news this holiday season. By george, I think I've got it! I went to see the breast surgeon for my post-surgery follow-up appointment yesterday. After pulling off all the bandages and checking everything out, she said it looked to be healing well. The smaller incision in the front where she took out the benign papilloma is not even bothering me anymore. I'm still in some pain and sometimes it is a deep burning or stabbing pain way inside rather than just the soreness at the site of the incision. She said this was normal as she had gone in deep almost to my chest wall and done quite a bit of tugging and pulling in through a relatively small incision and had probably bruised my chest wall muscle in the process. Apparently, nothing that some more healing time won't fix. She also handed me a pathology report. Surgery: complete success with negative margins all the way around. Wait for it ... It...

Hello all and Merry Christmas (yes, only 9 more days of shopping left!). I have been pretty busy for someone who just had major surgery. Thursday I got dressed and went out in public with my boss. Having a supportive boss who not only cares what you can to do make him/her look good or bring to the company, but cares about you as a person and how you are doing cannot be overstated. I am proud to call her a friend. She came and picked me up and we went out to eat and she helped me run a few errands including picking up a check from AFLAC. For all you people who are sick of the duck and all, I will jump to their defense and tell you how helpful they have been and how easy submitting my documentation and getting paid within a week was. They have helped take any financial worries connected with my illness off the table so far. And yesterday I was gone pretty much gone all day as my beautiful, smart and vivacious daughter attended TSU commencement ceremonies and received a BBA Magna Cum ...

It has been about 32 hours since my surgery was completed at North Central Baptist Hospital in San Antonio under the guidance of Dr. Wagner and a highly specialized team of doctors and nurses. While this was only my second major surgery that was necessary to save my life (therefore I don't have a wealth of experience to draw upon), I will say that I believe I got the best of care a patient could expect. To sum the experience up ... I think it turned out as well as it could have. The surgery was a success and the doctors feel they got the whole tumor and clear margins as well as the papilloma and as far as I know, they only did a sentinel node biopsy vs. an auxiliary node dissection which involves a whole lot more lymph nodes being removed. That could have gone either way if she had seen more trouble once she got in there so it looks like my lymph nodes were not too disturbed and the incision line not too high into my armpit. All good news and positive indicators but only patholog...

Have you ever wondered what an MRI (Magnetic Resonance Imaging test) is like? Well, I know now so just for grins I will describe it for you. First and foremost, while is it a very loud and claustrophobic tube, it is painless and completely safe (no possible side effects like radiation). The only painful part was that, in my case, they used contrasting dye which was injected into an IV in my arm and well, I don't like needle pokes. Other types of MRI scans don't call for dyes or IVs. After changing into a medical gown that opens in the front, I was wrapped in a blanket (it tends to be cold in those rooms) and escorted into the room with a machine that looked a bit like a space capsule with a sliding table in the middle. Although the majority of MRIs are done with the patient lying on their back, mine was done with me lying face down with my head on a headrest, arms stretched out in front of me (yep, think Superman without the cape) and openings in the chest area. This MRI only...

Sorry I haven't posted anything in a while ... but I'm back after a short "final fling" in Vegas with a friend. No more travel for a while (sad face). I am going in Monday for an MRI and pre-surgery blood work-up. And I FINALLY have a date! No, not that kind of date ... lol. My date with the surgeon, Dr. Wagner, and the operation to remove the tumor is Monday, December 11. I will be so glad to get this over with; however, I'm apprehensive. It's always nerve-wracking to go under the knife. Believe it or not, the surgery will just be an outpatient deal. I think most surgeries are being done that way nowadays because of the insurance companies and the expense of hospital stays. I will be driven by my daughter to recuperate at her house and should be pretty much back to normal by Christmas.  The surgical team will also be removing the papilloma (another small incision) and doing a sentinel node biopsy to check my nodes. They will be sending the cancero...

Once again, I went to see a doctor this morning. It seems like it's all I do with my spare time anymore. And I had one this past Monday and another scheduled for the Monday after next. And I gotta find time to schedule a dentist to get a root canal and crown somewhere in there. This is a fine time for my broken tooth to begin hurting almost every day. It's the holiday season and my surgery is just around the corner. I don't remember asking Santa for a lumpectomy or a root canal for Christmas ... I must be on his naughty list. Can I just have a lump of coal rather than cancer? So this time I saw Dr. Ontiveras, a cardiologist. I had already been in to see her because of a referral from my PCP after being told my EKG was abnormal and had completed a stress test. Today she had them do another sonogram and a resting EKG. Although I don't know if she directly answered my question about what was causing the abnormal EKG, she seemed satisfied that my heart was in decent sha...

I had mentioned that the genome test is being done. I already had been told I might meet that protocol so that one wasn't a surprise. However, when Dr. Wagner's staff called yesterday, I was surprised by the subject. Rather than calling to schedule the surgery which is what I assumed, she was calling to bring me in for a MRI. Mind you, this is not a full body MRI; only the breast area. Since she had not said anything about that in our meeting, I can only assume she is wanting to cross all the T's and dot all the I's and maybe take a closer look at the lymph nodes just in case. I'm sure my insurance company is not gonna be amused. I am choosing to believe that this is an extra step taken out of caution rather than her second guessing or being worried about the lymph nodes. I will try to find out. Cancer has this way of creating difficult choices; often weighing one situation against the other and finding the lesser of two evils. It is like when you have two child...

Today I met Dr. Wagner. She specializes in breast surgery for cancer patients and will be my surgeon for my upcoming surgery. (I still don't have an exact date ... her scheduler will be calling soon). She exudes confidence and patience which are excellent qualities and is one of the top surgeons in her specialty in the area. When I walked into the waiting room (this is mainly an oncology center treating cancer patients), I saw about twelve other people waiting their turn. There were men and women with all types and all stages of cancers there and some family members who accompanied them. Most of them were older than me. I shuddered with the fleeting thought of which of them may not make another year, but quickly put that thought out of my mind. After giving the front desk nurse my paperwork with medical history I had filled out the night before and answering their on-line cancer screening/risk assessment survey on a tablet they handed me, I waited another 10 minutes before bein...

So I just returned from another great event complete with music, fun and friends  as well as camping and lots of parties. I am doing a bit less partying now that I have given up alcohol entirely but am learning you can still have fun sober. Being that I have always been a social drinker, events like this with free alcohol test my resolve. This one was called Fischer Fest (near Wimberley) and it is small, intimate, primitive and wonderful. Although I do know many people who come to this from my Kerrville and Conroe families, this was only my second year at Fischer and I am always meeting new people as I add more of this friendly and funny group of people to my ever-widening circle of friends. I have always believed that everything happens for a reason. No matter if it is bad or good, all of these experiences combine and intermingle to make you the person you are. All of us have our own things to deal with: many of my friends have RA, diabetes, heart disease, hepatitis C (until rec...

Having cancer can make you feel so very alone. And being that there is not that one person in my life you would call a mate/partner/whatever, sometimes that makes you feel even more alone. Because when you have a partner, that person has already signed up for "in sickness and in health." But then I remember that I have a friend network that is second to none all across the U.S. as well as a very supportive family. I have received so many words, texts, calls, etc. of people giving me encouragement, prayers and more. Thank you all for that and I love you all. I honestly don't know what I'd do without you. Then there is my daughter. Most of my calls to her have started with me crying like a baby. So I would start with a sentence that was something like "I don't know what to do..." and she would answer back "we will figure it out." I said several things that used the "I" pronoun and each time she changed it to "we." Eventual...

So I have mentioned odds and statistics already here multiple times. And that so far, the odds haven't worked out in my favor. In a previous blog I mentioned sub-types of IBC and that my pathology reports were not complete yet. Well, they are now and even though triple negative (ER- PR- HER2-) breast cancer accounts for less than 20% of all breast cancers ... it's what I've got. Triple negative is a particularly aggressive and tough cancer ... and my survival odds are less now than they were before. Needless to say, this was a big blow and I wish I had better news. It means other than surgery and radiation treatment which was already a certainty, I would also have to do hard core chemotherapy. In case that isn't clear, yes, this is the type that makes you so sick and nauseous you can't get out of bed for days and the type that causes all your hair to fall out. Basically, it is putting enough poison in your veins that you don't die but the cancer does. It pushe...

This past Tuesday, I had my first meeting with Andrea. Andrea is an adorable, perky, petite redhead and also my cancer nurse and care coordinator. She is there to coordinate all the aspects of my care from scheduling appointments to getting information shared with all the members of my cancer care team as well as  answer questions and go over options. Her first question was to ask if I understood my diagnosis and what I knew so far. She was thumbing through a pathology report which I, to date, have not seen or been given a copy of (I believe this is because it is incomplete). She confirmed that it is considered a stage 1 and as such, I would have options available and some choices to make. That is indeed a blessing; some cancer patients don't really have choices. She explained the first treatment for the cancer would be a surgery to remove it. Because my tumor is less than 2 centimeters, I could choose a BCS (Breast Conserving Surgery), also known as a lumpectomy or partial mas...

There's nothing like cancer to draw out every raw emotion you've ever felt ... and then some. I imagine there's also all the stages of grieving thrown in for extra measure ... denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. First you ask "Why me?" but then before you give in to your own pity party, you get angry. And determined. And resolute. And scared. And euphoric. You have to find the silver lining. You have to reach deep inside. You go more inside yourself than you ever have before while reaching out to others to stay connected to your support systems. Your state of mind will be a strong determining factor in how hard and long this ride is. And this is one ride I want to get off as soon as possible. Your emotions go from one extreme to the other like you are the poster child for "moody." And you've always been steadfast and stable emotionally. Cancer is sneaky; it likes to play with you. These past few weeks I have gone from sobbing unco...

They say writing is cathartic and it's always been so for me so I finally started my first online blog. Why it took being diagnosed with breast cancer for that to happen, I really can't say. But my further intention with this is two-fold. First, I want this as a way to keep friends and family informed with all the details. I found out that first week how many calls, texts, emails and such I had to send out to inform people and how overwhelming a task that was and then there's the bit about even remembering whom you told what. Second, I would like to provide a forum for others battling the disease. There are few people in the world that share a more common bond with you than fellow warriors in this fight. And those strangers are those whom you know completely understand what you are going through. Let's help each other. I was officially diagnosed with stage 1 breast cancer on October 25th, 2017 after a core biopsy procedure that took place the Monday before.  To ...